Living on land can be problematic. It makes it easy to be found by people that—considering time, place and circumstance—you might wish to avoid…like an uptight landlord, a vicious collection agency, or an ex-significant-other-turned-stalker. Or perhaps life on land isn’t affording you scenic travel routes (you know, the ones that often outweigh the actual destination). Maybe you’re just irrationally scared of earthquakes.
These and other unlisted hypotheticals in mind, we suggest you consider a massively beneficial alternative to the traditional home: living on a sailboat. A recent study by Whalebone’s Department of Recent Studies discovered that living out life on a wind-reliant sea vessel has considerable advantages. We think you’ll sea what we mean.
1. Your neighbors are less likely to suck.
On land, neighbors are one of the riskiest realities a property owner can face. Perhaps the neighbors to the left have young children that enjoy calling local law enforcement and jokingly alerting them that you’re hosting unlawful events like unlicensed death metal concerts in your backyard, while simultaneously, your neighbors to the right allow their Chihuahua to routinely lay waste—without cleanup—in your front yard. Avoid having to explain yourself to the cops + picking up dog sh*t that you shouldn’t have to pick up, by moving into the harbor.
2. Fuel costs are next to nonexistent.
It’s true. Wind is strikingly cheaper than gas. Wind is also not subject to outrageous competitor pricing or certain geopolitical risks. Of course, it can be a tad bit less reliable, but don’t be consumed by its intermittent nature—let it allow you to learn how to cruise. In between those moments? Feel free to work lightly, perfect your cocktail-mixing skills or sleep.
Did you know that 97% of Americans will never own property with waterfront nor oceanfront views? And did you know that 99% of the statistics mentioned in the previous sentence are entirely unconfirmed? As we’ve stated numerous times throughout our last issues, no one at Whalebone majored in mathematics, nor statistics…but we have definitely woken up on hella sailboats time after time, and the picaresque water views are undeniably one of the best, most calming starts a human can have to the day—especially at the fraction of a cost of land-situated waterfront property.
Cheers to the weekend from your friends at #Sunsail! #sailing #caribbean #swimsuitseason
A photo posted by Sunsail (@sunsailholidays) on
4. Sleep on fleek.
The sound of gentle waves lapping up against the boat, the quietude, the hypnotizing rhythm of gently rocking back-and-forth…anyone that has fallen asleep within the confines of a boat can testify that it is an unrivaled method of achieving a flawless slumber. Don’t sleep on this opportunity to attain sleep greatness.
5. You will become a more interesting person.
This is a major plus. Many of us are inherently uninteresting—fated to live in the meaty part of the life’s bell curve. F*ck living up in a bell curve, live on a sailboat. Now, you can host an all-day happy hour, send pics of yourself smiling wide to your high school’s alumni committee, and invite friends made at the harbor’s dive bar back for a 3AM skinny dip. After a single week of performing the aforementioned activities, you’ll have enough stories to start a mildly profitable web blog. Stick to this cycle, and you’ll be interesting, and potentially revenue generating, for the remainder of your life.
Article as featured in Whalebone’s eighth issue, the Water Issue. For more sailing goodness, check out Sunsail’s Instagram.