Breaking into The Vaults
It was like Oceans Eleven or something. More like Oceans 200. But we assembled a crack team of a couple hundred semi-professional criminals and whiskey aficionados to pull off a heist at Widow Jane Distillery. The small-batch bourbon had waited 14 years to see the light of the day. Widow Jane calls it The Vaults. A blend of whiskey aged in seasoned Widow Jane barrels in Red Hook, Brooklyn. And we aimed to liberate it.
Truth be told Widow Jane invited us and 250 of our closest friends to sample the amber treasure. We tasted the 14-year and the 10-year and we raffled off a vault full of a cache of prizes including Widow Jane Whiskey and various Whalebone contraband (we think a pack of Pepperidge Farms soft-baked chocolate chips cookies made it in there, which, if you not tried this, go miraculously well with a sip of bourbon).
We raffled off a vault full of a cache of prizes including Widow Jane Whiskey and various Whalebone contraband
Unlike that guy who opened a safe in a museum that had been locked for 40 years on the first try, nobody could figure out the combination to our vault full of Whiskey Jane and Whalebone booty. So to even the playing field we offered the vault and its contents to the winner of a dance contest.
The DJ set up next to the copper still and let the beat drop. A frenzied limbo ensued. The winner was a strong dancer and hopefully good at lifting a bulletproof and reinforced safe, because we can tell you from experience, that thing was heavy.
Only one lucky person took home the safe, but the rest of the crew made out ok, too. Everybody got mini-bottles of Widow Jane, a night of drinks and DJ, and a getaway ride home courtesy of Lyft.
