Whalebone Creative Director’s Guide to The Milk Cleanse
Hi, I’m Mallory. I survived The Milk Cleanse and I’m here to tell you about my milk journey.
A little over a month ago, I told my friends to count me out for dinner for the next couple of weeks because I was about to embark on a milk-drinking journey for the following 8 days. Some were repulsed and others questioned why I would do such a cruel thing to myself. Why? What did I have to lose? A few pounds hopefully. Being the milk lover I am, I was intrigued. New year, new me right?
What is the Milk Cleanse?
The LabElymental Milk Cleanse is an Ayurvedic inspired, doctor-developed cleanse that combines the magnetic power of full-fat milk and our proprietary supplements to help clear, cleanse and balance our modern lifestyle.
I’ll start off by saying, I’m a milk drinker. I’ve been a milk drinker since birth. This has nothing to do with the fact I’m part cat, as many would think, but something about a cold glass of milk brings me delight [insert audience gagging noises here]. It’s a treat for me, mostly served with a side of cookies.
The Milk Cleanse is for you if you feel
- Physically exhausted, sluggish and fatigued.
- Unclear, foggy, blocked, stuck, anxious and overwhelmed.
- Bloated and that food is upsetting you more than making you feel nourished.
- Persistent lifestyle imbalances are negatively impacting your overall vitality.
I felt all of these things. After the holidays, and a few hectic weeks putting together The Weather Issue, it was time to reset. Before the cleanse, my diet consisted of bagels, turkey subs, Home Chef oven-ready meals, pinot grigio and a scoop or two of NadaMoo! (ha) before bed. Not the worst diet, but far from the best. I’ve always found it hard to eat “healthy” because I’m allergic to most of the good stuff; tree nuts, avocado, strawberries, peaches, apples and the list goes on. Thanks to The Milk Cleanse, I’ve learned I don’t need cheese and bread every day to survive.
Alright, let’s dive into it.
How does The Milk Cleanse work?
There are two phases. During Phase One your diet consists of full-fat, organic, whole milk, water, and one cup of joe in the morning. You’re allowed goat, cow, sheep, camel and bison milk, although goat milk is recommended.
Every two hours you drink 6 ounces of your milk of choice (mine being organic cow milk) and take two of the Milk Cleanse’s supplements.
You repeat this process six times per day but are encouraged to drink as much milk as you like throughout the day to keep yourself full. Basically, you’re on a newborn baby’s feeding schedule. I set a milk alarm that mooed every two hours. I recommend this purely for entertainment and sanity purposes.
Days one and two weren’t too bad. It took a bit to adjust to my new feeding schedule, but I expected worse. I felt hungriest these two days and went through an entire gallon of milk. MOO. Towards the end of day two, I was beginning to question when I’d feel the effects of the cleanse. I spoke too soon…
RELEASE THE TOXINS. I’ll be honest, days three and four were brutal for me.
Luckily, The Milk Cleanse team does a great job assuring you everything happening to your body is normal with their daily motivational emails. One email was even titled, “Let’s talk about what’s happening on the toilet.” We won’t go into details, but at this time I was extremely thankful to be working from home. Therapeutic baths are your best friend.
Days five and six took place over the weekend. I was in a milky groove and could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had plenty of energy, felt sane and surprisingly wasn’t tired of drinking milk. A bit of advice for when you are out and about: DON’T FORGET TO BRING MILK. I found myself far from a milk source around lunchtime and had many regrets. Apparently, not all restaurants and bars serve milk. Should’ve gone to Cracker Barrel. Don’t miss your milk feedings!
The final two days of Phase One made the previous six days worth it. My head was clear, I felt refreshed and full of energy. I honestly couldn’t believe it, I went 8 days without food, still wasn’t sick of milk, and felt mentally and physically better than I had in years. On top of feeling udderly amazing, I lost 10 pounds. The bloating and the sluggishness I had been feeling prior to The Milk Cleanse are gone.
During phase two you reintroduce clean, nutritious meals into your daily routine. This consisted of vegetables, consciously-sourced protein, legumes, and gluten-free grains. It is recommended to avoid processed foods, sugar, gluten, DAIRY, and fried foods.
This phase was the true test for me and continues to be. I don’t crave things the way I did before and feel more motivated than ever to live a healthier lifestyle. I’ve slipped up here and there but overall I’m eating healthier, feeling happier, and more focused than I have been in quite some time and have The Milk Cleanse to thank. The only thing I will say is, I miss milk.
MAL’S MILK CLEANSE TIPS
- Choose a time that fits best with your schedule, this way you can relax and enjoy the ride, sometimes it can be a bit bumpy.
- Keep good company. Just because you’re not eating, doesn’t mean you need to hide in a cave for 8 days. Just be sure to have a restroom and milk source nearby.
- Try different milks, variety is the spice of life.
- Set a “Moo” alarm. Boy do I miss the daily bi-hourly moo’s…
- During the early days, be sure to enjoy fresh air when you can, walks and bike rides are nice, but don’t go too far from the bathroom and don’t over exert yourself.
- Bless the morning coffee. You can even add milk!
- Take therapeutic baths.
- If you have a cat, take this as a bonding experience.
- Don’t attempt strenuous exercise. I thought I was invincible around day 5, I was not. Listen to your body.
- Don’t forget to-go milk if you’re out and about.
- Don’t miss feedings and take all required supplements.
- When things are rough, I mean ROUGH… don’t give up. It will get better, and it’s worth it, I promise.
- DO NOT drink wine the day after your milk cleanse. NOT EVEN A GLASS.
- If you don’t like milk, I don’t recommend this cleanse.
- I’m not a health professional, and everyone’s experiences are different, so take this advice with a grain of salt. But if you like milk and are looking for a dietary and mental reset, I highly recommend giving The Milk Cleanse a go.