Things You Could Be Doing on Black Friday Instead of Shopping

Death to Stock Photography
  1. Almost anything
  2. Go outside #optoutside
  3. Stay in bed #optinside
  4. Binge Blackfish
  5. Be a shoulder for a Walmart employee who is quietly sobbing in the corner of a dressing room because she was forced to leave her family during Thanksgiving dinner to go to work to cry on
  6. Harry. Potter. Marathon. Watch it.
  7. Contemplate your brief time on this tiny blue marble spinning in space
  8. Make a turkey-gravy-stuffing-cranberry-yam-marshmallow-bourbon sandwich that would make Dagwood Bumstead proud
  9. Stick a toothpick through olive and put it on top
  10. See if you can actually fit your mouth around it
  11. Go back to no. 7
  12. Make sure someone near you knows Heimlich maneuver
  13. Discover that Henry Heimlich actually has a pretty colorful and controversial history
  14. Bring the healing power of water to someone
  15. Give more thanks
  16. Listen to some music
  17. Brush up on your Spanish
  18. Watch a full episode of The Peter Bradley Show
  19. Check the surf report
  20. Go surfing
  21. Read a book
  22. Maybe this one?
  23. Go for a drive with no particular destination
  24. We know it’s a waste of gas—fine; maybe research how to convert your car to biodiesel instead?
  25. Nothing at all