Momma, you know you’ve made in it in the music industry if your fanbase has a name, that’s a universal truth. Not unlike knowing you’ve made enough money by whether or not your hangers all match… all just facts of life.
Illustrations by Alex BalosieThe nice thing about being a part of these different communities is the togetherness you feel towards other fans—a knowing nod at an enamel pin on your backpack or a “hey man, what eyeliner do you use?” That’s just a nice human connection right there. But if you struggle to find your fan fit because you don’t know what signs to look for, then Whalebone’s Anthropology Department is here to assist. Here you will find a helpful guide to identifying members of varying fanbases, and maybe one day you’ll have your very own Queen Bey.
Fans of: Lady Gaga
In the wild, you may find these award season junkies difficult to spot, they’re spotted, stripped, purple and orange. They’re happy in their skin and can find a friend in anyone. They are not taking any questions in regards to Bradley Cooper at this time. Potentially vegan, but will wear meat to ward off predators.
Fans of: Billie Eilish
Camouflage is their MO, they don’t need to be flashy to get their message across. They subsist on a diet of mostly avocados and their favorite retro-tv, The Office.
Fans of: The Grateful Dead
The OG “heads.” They may sound scary, but they’re generally very warm and fuzzy. However, just don’t try to feed them if their pupils are dilated, like cats.
Fans of: Justin Bieber
After a huge population boom around 2010 or so, they stuck together with matching tattoos and swishy haircuts. Although their population has declined a bit in recent years, you can always count on your one friend Kelly to still care.
Fans of: Jimmy Buffett
These happy-go-lucky guys used to be everywhere 10+ years ago, however, we’ve started to see less of them as of late, assumingely from too many margaritas. However, hope remains with a new generation of fans called Parakeets, which may single-handily save the fandom.
Fans of: The Killers
The victims have gone through a bit of an evolution in recent years, what used to be black eyeliner and chipped nail polish has transformed into craft beer and facemasks. Not to worry, they name their young things like Gauge, so you know there is a little edge.
Fans of: Insane Clown Posse
At first sight, this group can look a little intimidating, but really it’s just to ward off the genuinely dangerous people in khakis. A very dynamic group that looks out for one another and forms a very unique and solid community. Get to know them over a nice cold Faygo.
Fans of: Beyoncé
You can almost certainly hear their buzz from a mile away and usually all day if there is a new album. They are very loyal but unfortunately, like some bees, would die if anything were to happen to their queen.