Let’s find out where these goody-goodies landed when it was all said and done.
NICKNAME:
Brown-Noser Dozer
RUMORED TO:
Have the home phone number of the school district superintendent.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Remind the teacher at the end of class that she forgot to assign homework.
WHERE IS SHE NOW?
Works the graveyard shift in the lost baggage claim department at United Airlines.
FAVORITE SUBJECT:
All of them.
RUMORED TO:
Personally complete the math assignments ahead of time to create the teacher’s key himself.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Tell you he “didn’t study at all,” but then ace the test and blow the curve for the whole damn class.
WHERE IS HE NOW?
Working in common areas of college campuses, writes fortune cookie fortunes.
HOBBIES:
Collecting hobbies.
RUMORED TO:
Become an Eagle Scout on his very first day in Boy Scouts.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Volunteer to climb inside a locker, just so he wouldn’t inconvenience the school bully.
WHERE IS HE NOW?
Freelance kids’ birthday party magician.
YEARBOOK QUOTE:
“I wish I was just a little more like you, Albert.” -Gandhi
RUMORED TO:
Tutor the SAT tutors.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Eat lunch at the teacher’s table.
WHERE IS HE NOW?
Leads an acapella group called the PrinciPALS.
FAVORITE TEACHER:
The one who gave the most weekend work.
RUMORED TO:
Fill out Ivy League college applications, just for funsies.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Refer to the elements in the Periodic Table as her “best friends in the whole wide world.”
WHERE IS SHE NOW?
Walmart greeter.
SCHOOL RECORD:
Changing into his P.E. uniform the fastest.
RUMORED TO:
Never have spread a single rumor.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Close his book during an open-book test.
WHERE IS HE NOW?
His mother’s basement. There may or may not be someone chained to a radiator down there.
VOTED MOST LIKELY TO:
Vote.
RUMORED TO:
Fake being healthy so she could go to school sick.
WOULD FREQUENTLY:
Run for class President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer at the same time, and win.
WHERE IS SHE NOW?
Audits the IRS.
