How to Take Valentine’s Day Seriously, Kinda

Photo: Jen Palmer.

Here’s what you should know by now: Valentine’s Day is on Sunday, and President’s Day is on Monday. Put those two things together, and what you’ve got ahead of you is a three-day weekend of sweet gestures and horizontal dancing with your main person (or several side persons—we’re not here to judge). If you’ve yet to do anything with this knowledge, you are: a., a confirmed procrastinator, and b., very lucky that you know us. Here are your last-minute plans for an epic weekend of celebrating love and leadership.

Option #1: Get Out of Town

… and get in the mood. According to a new survey by, 45 percent of men and women say their sexual appetites surge whenever they travel, and 33 percent admit that they’ve had sex somewhere unconventional when on a trip. (Just thinking out loud here, but does that mean that Whalebone’s upcoming Travel Issue technically counts as porn? Alright, alright, alright). 

If it’s been a hot minute since you and your significant other went somewhere, JetBlue is having a sale on round-trip flights from NYC to warmer cities, like Charleston or Orlando (some are as low as $117). You have always wanted to try it in that small vestibule in the sky, so maybe this weekend is your chance.

Photo: Steve Richey

Photo: Steve Richey

But let’s say airport security is your number one turn-off. In that case, Greenport, Rhinebeck, and Hudson are all adorably cozy New York towns with equally adorable B&Bs to fulfill you and your lover’s yearnings for novelty. Oh, and they’re all accessible by LIRR, Amtrak, or Metro-North, respectively. Those face-to-face four-seaters? Mass transit’s most powerful aphrodisiacs.

Option #2: Shack Up at Home

Venturing somewhere new is awesome. But sometimes, unavoidable hiccups pop up, like the weatherman reporting it will be cold as shit, and suddenly, your humble abode can’t be beat. However, that doesn’t mean that you and your main squeeze should be puttering around as usual. This weekend’s holidays are all about effort–of the heart and the heads of state–so an effort you will make. Here’s how:

Step 1: Stock up on February 14th’s staples, AKA chocolate and wine. Spring for the good stuff that pays homage to your sweet and fiery love affair. Our picks? Jacques Torres Wicked Bar is a dark chocolate libido-booster that’s punched up with chipotle and ancho chilies. And (perfect timing!) the East End’s very own Wölffer Estate Vineyard just released the 2015 vintage of Wolffer No. 139 Dry Rose Cider. It’s pink, bubbly, crazy delicious—and you can steal our trick of re-using the fourth empty bottle as a cute vase for flowers.

Wolffer_Rose Cider 3

Photo courtesy of Wolffer.

Step 2: Make dinner together, because several kinds of heat can be made in the kitchen. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate meal—seared salmon with a side salad is quick and easy—but if you’re the sous chef to your partner’s Michelin-star skills, then by all means, get wild.

Step 3: Don’t cue up Netflix. Despite what trending hashtags will have you believe, it’s not the quickest way to get into your partner’s pants. Having an actual conversation with your own words, sense of humor, and meaningful glances is. If you need something to talk about, read this and discuss what you think happens next.

Once you’ve fully enjoyed all of these steps, it’s time to retreat to the bedroom and make love as if Donald Trump just won New Hampshire and the world as you knew it was ending. Oh. Wait…

From us to you, Happy Valentine’s Day.