A Supposedly Funny Joke About Jesus and Moses Golfing at Shinnecock Hills

Copyright USGA/John Mummert

All of this was overheard at St. Peter’s Catch seafood shop in Montauk, told over the counter by a man shucking clams.

So, Moses and Jesus are golfing at Shinnecock Hills before the US Open. They get to #6 and Jesus says to Moses, “I saw Tiger hit this with a 3 iron.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not him,” says Moses.

Jesus, smirks, picks up his 3 iron and thwack, the ball plops in the water.

“I’ll get it, I’ll get it,” says Moses. Who wades into the water looking for the ball. To no avail. “Just take another shot,” he says.

“I can do it,” says Jesus.

“Just hit the driver,” Moses urges

“Tiger did it,” says Jesus.

“You’re going in after it this time then,” Moses says.

“Sure, if it goes in,” Jesus answers. “But it won’t.”

He takes his time. Lines up the shot. Reads the wind. Approaches the ball. Sets his sandals in the grass. Breathes in. Pulls his 2 iron back. THWACK. The ball sails then slices into the water. Jesus lets his shoulders sit momentarily then is unbowed. “Tiger did it,” he says to Moses brightly, then takes off his sandals and goes out after the ball. He wades into the water, looking down and around about where the ball plopped. Moses watches from the tee as Jesus, as he is wont to do, rises up onto the surface of the water, walking along the surface, searching.

Two men in the next party approach Moses and point out toward the water. “Who’s that guy think he is?” they ask, “Jesus Christ?”

Moses answers, “No, he thinks he’s Tiger Woods.”


St. Peter’s Catch is in Montauk right next to Montauk Brew Co. The clams on the half shell and chowder are better than the jokes.