It was 04:30 AM, and there were four of us left at Liar’s with a broken trophy filled with draft bud, an Irish girl dripping in mudslide screaming at us, and huge shit-eating grins on our faces. How’d we get there? Let’s back up a week.
Bottom of the 8th, two outs, nobody on, down by a run. A 12-1 dream season about to be crushed by Mickey’s Carting. Fans started to shuffle out, filling their cups at the keg on the way, heads started to sag, and then the impossible happened. Tom Loncar (cornhole aficionado), Gray Gardell-Gross (The Spider), and Danny Walles (Dance-Bar Dan) each hit singles to tie it up.
Three innings later, Joe Ferraro hit the walk-off to bring us into the five game finals vs. the Montauk Brew Co. We were in, and it was Memory Mondays. Unfortunately, the softball gods were not aware that we were all morally-obliged to celebrate victory and we had the first two games of the championship the next two nights. Needless to say, they did not go well, and we found ourselves down 2-0 [in the championship series] the following Monday, desperate for a miracle yet again.
We decided to ditch the keg (replaced with its equivalence in cans, don’t worry), rally as many Montauk degenerates as we could to rattle the opposition, and convince our friend Ben (potentially torn ACL) to risk it all and give it a go. Down again in the 5th, we got two hugs hits off of Brian Pfund (scouted by both the Baltimore Orioles for baseball and Guinness Book of World Records for consecutive nights out) and Dustin Lightcap (The John Mcenroe of Slow-Pitch Softball) to blow the game open. The 7th inning was saved with a clean double play by one Skylar Gardell-Gross (Mojito-Making Dog-Loving 1st baseman), and we survived. The next night, we came out like a team possessed, and put them away 17-2 to make it to a pivotal Game 5.
Helped by an endless supply of booze and several potentially-altered Facebook posts, we had the best fan turn-out in the league, and Game 5 of the championship was no different. We had Barney and Tom (closest equivalent has to be Cheech) leading a gaggle of flag-waving, high-pitched 10-year olds in Gig Shack chants. We had angry J-1 students screaming obscenities at Montauk Brew Co.’s players. We had a audio speaker, ever-so kindly donated by Happy Bowls, blasting everything from Nappy Roots to Frank Sinatra to Gwen Stefani. We even had the local pastor blessing us pre-game.
The flag stood still, George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” came on, and it got real quiet.
We thought we covered all our bases, and the game was turning out like that—we went into the last inning up 8-4 and very, very confident. Then the bases were loaded, then they were cleared, and two hits later, we were tied. We got out of it and walked in. The flag stood still, George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” came on, and it got real quiet.
Then little Zoe Pearl Daunt, our score-keeper and Gig Shack fanatic, belted out the line-up and took us out of our trance. The Spider, T-Lonc, James Bogetti, Skylar, and then Dance-Bar Dan Walles. A couple hits, a walk, and a fielder’s choice later, Dance-Bar Dan was back at the plate. Yet again, Dan came through with a clutch hit and we were victorious. The fans went nuts as we triumphantly presented the trophy, along with a flower, to Tracey (the Gig Shack matriarch and long-time watcher of losing softball seasons).
We celebrated with the fans, and then rounded everyone up and began our march to the Shack, where we arrived around 10:30 PM. We were just in time to disrupt what people thought was going to be a peaceful end to their dinner with Ole’ chants, 40-person Jagerbombs, and trophy chugs. I’m sure you’re all curious what happened the next six hours to bring us to 04:30 AM at Liars with our broken trophy, angry Irish mudslide girl, and shit-eating grins. However, in the best interest of everyone’s mothers, girlfriends, and favorite bartenders, were going to leave that to your imagination. But, a tid-bit of advice: just in case your really desperate, I’m sure a couple people saved their Snapchat stories…ask around.
We would like to thank our fans (especially the ones with us mid-season), Tracey and Lewis Gardell-Gross (sponsors of the team), and Bud Light (the official beer sponsor of Gig Shack softball).