You Can Drink On the Sidewalk in Manhattan and Not Serve a Prison Sentence For It Anymore

NYC habitants with alcohol-friendly dietary guidelines and a inclination for outdoor boozing can now rejoice, somewhat, knowing that they will not be going to prison for enjoying a stiff one on the sidewalk. City officials announced that starting March 7th, public consumption of alcohol is no longer a criminal offense.

This is stellar news/not much of an announcement for many of the city’s residents and visitors, as drinking in broad day is a highly accepted cultural practice between the hours of 11 AM and 10 AM the next day (what kind of people would we be if we didn’t acknowledge that one hour of each morning is spent deciding if we want pizza, a bagel or a m*therfuggin pizza bagel to keep our internals in mint condition).

In an entirely unrelated note, public urination will also be decriminalized also starting March 7th.