Are You the Best Damn Sommelier in the World?

A quiz to find out if that’s you.

According to a very non-scientific chart, there are wine lovers, wine enthusiasts, bore your pants off at the dinner table wine experts, just getting going sommeliers, real deal sommeliers, and Master Sommeliers. And as far as we know when this feature was produced there were only 269 Master Sommeliers in the world. The Garry Kasparovs of the deep state wine world.

The Court of Master Sommeliers, one of the wine world’s most esteemed organizations (real thing), likely does not want you to read this magazine or the following quiz. Not for the reasons those close to The Court might imagine but more so because by reading the following you are susceptible to the fact that Whalebone has cracked the actual code of how to identify yourself or others in your life as a real deal Master Sommelier—just needing the casual 10,000 hours of studying at some point. Maybe the next John Ragan has been living in your house this whole time. Only two ways to find out—one of them is taking this fool-proof pop quiz—if you are indeed a secret Master Sommelier.

Photo by VP/MM Photography