Look, I’m not going to say we overdid it this year, or last year, or the year before, or the year before that … but this Thanksgiving, we sorta kinda definitely did too much with our stomachs. We gave thanks and we gave in. Besides eating our own body weight in turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing, we awarded our yesterday afternoon with whatever the polar opposite of getting in shape is. And, it was awesome. But massively overdone.
In an effort to combat historic weight gain across North America today, we’ve come up with the 5 following post-Turkey Day exercises to keep that body of yours from wanting to call it quits for good.
1. Walk the dog. This one’s a no-brainer. Grab Rover and hit the neighborhood path, walking trail, etc. If you’re a real go-getter, leave that leash at home and give him a 5 minute head-start.
2. Parkour. This is a Whalebone Team favorite. Take to the streets and try your luck at running up walls and jumping across rooftops. Believe it or not, jumping all over well-structured establishments can be incredibly rewarding. Let your inner-concrete ninja have it’s day.
3. Pretend that everything around you is on fire. You’d be surprised how well this technique works in the weight-loss world.
4. Yoga. Put on the stretchy pants and oddly position your body for an extended period of time. There’s like a kajillion YouTube tutorial videos just waiting to be your body’s guiding light. Also, breathing is essential to this form of exercise (as well as ensuring that you don’t die), so remember to do that if possible.
5. Get a security job at the mall on Black Friday. Between chasing petty thieves and reporting to a plethora of line tramplings, you’ll have your work cut out for you. In addition, you’re allowed to just run throughout the entire mall and people will respect you for what they assume is you saving the day. It’s like a hair better than the average neighborhood jog, and you get paid. Just remember to stay away from that food court discount you’re entitled to.